Last Sunday Scott and I took the kids to see the new Disney movie "Inside Out". I had heard it was a great movie from several friends. My kids are getting a little old for Disney movies, but many times they have great messages.
Given what our family has been through, I was curious as to how the movie would personify the feelings we have all been navigating for the last 10 months. I would say they did a pretty good job, since Scott and I were both sobbing by the end of the movie. For me, there was two reasons. There are 5 "feelings" in the movie: Joy, Disgust, Anger, Sadness and Fear. Initially I wondered why they chose only these five, given the many emotions we go through. The conflict in the movie happens when Riley (the little girl) loses sadness and joy. She is left with anger, fear and disgust. I saw Dylan. He did not have happiness but he did not have sadness either. Why couldn't I see that? Sadness is necessary. It is important to be able to express that. This made me ache for Dylan and want to hold him and cry with him.
Last night, there was one of those Facebook quizzes "Which Inside Out Feeling Are You?", and based on 10 seemingly wacko questions - I found I am "Sadness". That seems about right. I do not move like Eyeore, but sadness can look different on different people. Life is about balance - even our feelings. Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust are all valuable feelings - but they need to be balanced. Even Joy. I am out of balance, and I believe I will be for a long time. I am Sadness. I'm not sure if I will ever feel Joy again.
At this point 17 years ago, I was very pregnant and awaiting the arrival of my second little boy. I remember watching fireworks and Zach yelling "Firecrackers BOOM BOOM" over and over. I never thought that I would only get 16 years with Dylan. Every day I wish I had cherished those years, days, minutes a little more. I am left only with memories, his artwork and pictures.
Parents, please cherish every second of your children. The good and the bad. The Joy and the Anger. The Fear and the Disgust. It may be gone all too soon.
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